Bold Makeover

Ridge Forrester, played by Ronald Montague Moss aka Ronn Moss aka popstar, songwriter and owner of the highest cheekbones in TV.

You thought this post would be about me bleaching my hair platinum or getting implants, didn’t you? Not yet.

The Bold and the Beautiful’s new opening titles sequence debuted on Australian screens this afternoon, so naturally I’ll use any excuse to talk about the show. My friends don’t call me a “tragic” fan of The Bold and the Beautiful for nothin’. (Don’t snicker. I know many totally sane people from all walks of life who indulge in watching the show daily.) Unlike many of the show’s stars, the opening titles have had just three makeovers in 24 years. Incidentally, the show began on my birthday in 1987, so I was destined to be a Bold tragic. You can see all title sequences, including the latest, here:

At my previous workplace, I got paid to watch Bold–writing closed-captions for the Deaf. One by one, my colleagues, all highly educated, highly discerning people, got hooked on the show. (Okay, maybe not as much as I did, but they had an appreciation for it.) The show is highly, highly, highly educational for romance writers. Over the years, I’ve learnt:

  1. How to bring characters back from the dead, even if they had been blown to smithereens in a car crash on the treacherous roads at Big Bear, crushed by falling chandeliers, or even shot through the heart. (You just need to come up with a plausible explanation for how they survived, eg. Macy Alexander was snatched from a burning vehicle by her biological father while no-one was looking, and taken to Italy to lick her extensive wounds, so to speak. Meanwhile, her poor hubby thought she’d been burnt to a crisp. Sorry, Thorne — Macy sunbaked in Portofino while you were grieving.)
  2. If your real name is Texas Battle, A, you are are destined to be a soap star, and B, insist on giving your character a normal name, like Marcus rather than Ridge or Whip.
  3. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. Ask Brooke Logan Forrester Chambers Jones Forrester Marone Forrester, who has had 14+ weddings** and every time she managed to find a unique gown to wear or a novel mode of transportation to the ceremony. (**I may or may not be exaggerating.)
  4. In the case of Bold, it’s bad luck for viewers to see the bride’s dress before the wedding. Nine times out of ten, if this happens, the wedding will not go ahead due to the bride being in love with someone else, the groom being in love with someone else, or inclement weather.
  5. The best love stories are those in which the hero and heroine have to overcome obstacles like paternity suits, evil ex-partners, saintly ex-partners, and hostage situations before they finally get together and say “I do…for now.”
  6. A good slap shouldn’t just come from out of nowhere. You have to build up to it and then get in a good whack. Check out this scene between Stephanie and Taylor. It comes complete with Dutch subtitles for your convenience.
What have you learnt from watching soap operas? Do you have a favourite soap moment? If you’ve never watched Bold, check out the Wikipedia page, to which I have yet to make a contribution, or the official website.

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